Remembering Mom

Mom 1975

Susan, a friend who also blogs, posted on Sunday, "Mama's Hands." Her blog is called:  I am...
It moved me deeply since my own mother died just before midnight on New Year's Eve 19 years ago after a long bout with cancer.

August 1993

I immediately recalled a poem I had written in November that year.  Mom and Dad were living in Florida and I in Michigan, newly divorced, working, dealing with custody agreements...not able to just pick up and go visit...not knowing how to juggle it all.

I Don’t Need You Anymore, Mom

I don’t need you anymore, Mom.

            I just want you.

I want to sit with you and watch one last

            summer storm come up.

I want to see your smile; touch your skin.

I want to hear your voice.

I want to see your hands and arms, legs and feet;

            the shape of your body, your face.

Study them.  Imprint them in my memory.

            Once you go, you’ll be gone so long.

I want to eat the food you’ve made.

I want you to feed me from your own kitchen once more.

I want proof that you’re alive and proof that you’re dying.

I want to take 60 rolls of mental pictures and savor them all,

            for all the next years I’ll have to go without you near.

I need to see you, Mom, before you go.

I don’t want to lose my chance.

You’re the only you there is for me.

--MEW  Late November 1993

Mom and Dad  Fall 1993

Thankfully, I was able to go see her at Christmas.  We had two poignant days together before she lapsed into a final coma.  I can't help imagining that she waited for me to come, headstrong woman that she was all her life.

I am so grateful for those days with her to say my good-byes in person; to physically touch her before she left this earth.  I feel for the many who never get that opportunity with their loved ones.  I think it's helped me stay "in touch" with her all these years.  We still talk often...